OCD...Perfection Obsession...an Epiphany
I had an epiphany the other day about my "mental condition"...and as long as I have been dealing with (or perhaps more accurately, not dealing with so successfully) my mental health, I was surprised to stumble upon such a revelation about myself. The catalyst for this revelation was a report that I came across on CNN...When the Brain Doesn't Know When to Stop; Obsessions Control Patients' Lives...and the reason that it caught my attention was because I know that I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies. These tendencies have been touched upon by a few therapists of days gone by but the main issue was always diagnosing and treating my depression and more recently ADHD.
In fact, I always kind of dismissed my obsessive-compulsive tendencies as a quirkiness that made me "me"...I mean, I liked the fact that I was a very neat and organized person. My "perfectionistic behavior" also gave me a sense of control and calm in my life when I had everything the way I wanted it...and I'll be the first to admit that gaining a sense of control and calm by having my toothbrush and toothpaste sitting a certain way and in a certain spot on the bathroom counter is a a bit extreme...but it made me happy. And on more than one occasion my "quirkiness" has also served as the source for some good-natured fun amongst my friends and co-workers...for instance...I remember, at work, coming back to my cubicle to find my entire desktop rearranged and having things placed purposefully in a disorganized manner...only to hear chuckles on the other side of the cubicle wall.
In the back of my mind I always kind of dismissed the notion that I had OCD because even though I related to some parts of the definition, the definition of OCD in it entirety, didn't exactly define my behavior. I never knew there was a specific subtype of OCD called "Perfection Obsession"...and even at this point of my life there is a certain sense of relief and empowerment to be able to put a label on behavior that I know falls well within the catagory of "dysfunctional."
It was this video from the report that really hit home as Shannon's story mirrored my own deterioration...here is this person who had all this potential...and it was evident to everyone around her that she could be or do whatever she wanted, but because of her condition she has been reduced to the point of "just getting through the day" as being an accomplishment worthy of a gold star...Prisoner to Perfection
In fact, I always kind of dismissed my obsessive-compulsive tendencies as a quirkiness that made me "me"...I mean, I liked the fact that I was a very neat and organized person. My "perfectionistic behavior" also gave me a sense of control and calm in my life when I had everything the way I wanted it...and I'll be the first to admit that gaining a sense of control and calm by having my toothbrush and toothpaste sitting a certain way and in a certain spot on the bathroom counter is a a bit extreme...but it made me happy. And on more than one occasion my "quirkiness" has also served as the source for some good-natured fun amongst my friends and co-workers...for instance...I remember, at work, coming back to my cubicle to find my entire desktop rearranged and having things placed purposefully in a disorganized manner...only to hear chuckles on the other side of the cubicle wall.
In the back of my mind I always kind of dismissed the notion that I had OCD because even though I related to some parts of the definition, the definition of OCD in it entirety, didn't exactly define my behavior. I never knew there was a specific subtype of OCD called "Perfection Obsession"...and even at this point of my life there is a certain sense of relief and empowerment to be able to put a label on behavior that I know falls well within the catagory of "dysfunctional."
It was this video from the report that really hit home as Shannon's story mirrored my own deterioration...here is this person who had all this potential...and it was evident to everyone around her that she could be or do whatever she wanted, but because of her condition she has been reduced to the point of "just getting through the day" as being an accomplishment worthy of a gold star...Prisoner to Perfection
posted by Hopelessly Depressed at 12:39 PM
4 Comments:
Wow. That was a good story, although I feel for her.
And you.
I have at the very least elements of OCD, and possibly full-blown OCD.
There are things I do that I have to make even. Like if I look over my shoulder to see if someone's behind me (paranoid, lol), I have to look over the other one or I feel lopsided. And sometimes I have to do it multiple times. And I feel like an idiot. Lol!
There are many other things I have to do in pairs, like that.
If a word strikes me funny as I'm reading a book, I have to silently say it, slowly, enunciating each syllable. And often, I have to silently read the whole sentence, several times. I mean read aloud, except without sound, or even lips moving much. That's alot slower than just reading inside your mind as your eyes scan the page.
UGH. It drives me nuts.
Woah...
I've never known anyone to experience the same as me...
Everything having to even...I would rearrange my words so that the number of letters would be even......it used to be real bad when I was younger. I used to have these serious arguments in my head that wouldn't go away and would just keep pounding away at my head 'til it felt like it would explode...every billboard we'd pass I'd have to make EVEN, even if I had to add words or make theme plural or not...I even remember walking through malls and thinking everyone who passed by me was looking at me or for me.....I wish I had gotten help sooner.
I call my OCD..."evenitis". I too have never had anyone have the same inclinations as myslef. I need everythign to be even....such as I conciously run my fingers over the remote control numbers...but I have to do it in rows of twos. I have to have the volume at 2, 4,6...etc...I Have to have my rooms in my house "balanced" on entry sites by weight...
Never heard of it before. I just relaized I have been doign it all my life. Everythign has to be "even" & "balanced"
weird huh?
Look up Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OPCD).
It's like OCD but without full blown compulsions or obsessions.
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